Friday, June 29, 2012

A Fanboy's Lament (Living With Cogan's Syndrome)


May 3rd, 2012:

I drove for 20 minutes today. Not only that, but it was on the highway! It was scary, and I was definitely more nervous than last week when I drove for the first time. Sarah and I needed to bring her car to the mechanic—who happens to be about 30 minutes away—but before we did that, she needed to go into the office to work for a bit. Sarah followed me as we traveled to drop off one of the vehicles at her parents’ house first.

We stayed in the right lane at 65 miles per hour for practically the entire time. Only once did I feel the need to pass a bus that was going 15 miles per hour under the speed limit. What I noticed, though, was that the faster I drove, the dizzier I felt. I couldn't focus on any of the road signs, and, thankfully, that didn't matter because I knew where I was going. It was tiring, that's for sure, but I am so glad that I did it. Little by little, I keep telling myself.

On to other matters: I'm not feeling the best today. Not health-wise, but emotionally. There is something very important happening tonight and I think I will be missing out. What is this event that has me so worked up? It's the opening night of The Avengers. Many of my friends have updated their social media statuses with statements exclaiming their excitement to attend the midnight showing tonight. This may sound insignificant in light of all of the problems that I've been having, but those issues are the reason for my inability to watch this film. To me, this is not just an ordinary movie. This is a culmination of years of development by a movie studio and a comic book company; this is an event I have longed for since I began reading comics as a young boy; this is a movie written and directed by my favorite television and movie creator of all time.

When it was announced back in the Spring of 2010 that Joss Whedon would be taking the helm of tomorrow's blockbuster movie release, The Avengers, I probably could have cried a river of joy—I didn't, but I could have. This is the man behind such television shows as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, and Dollhouse; the script of Toy Story, and the brilliant 24 issue run on Marvel's Astonishing X-Men comic. Never have I followed a creative genius so closely, as I have Joss Whedon.

Seeing The Avengers on opening night at midnight was my plan. Nothing would stop this from happening. Nothing. Well, almost nothing.

I can't hear. I've been unable to watch some of my favorite television programs, listen to any music—plenty of talented artists have come out with new albums since all of my troubles began and I am unsure I will ever be able to fully appreciate them—but now, the biggest let-down of all, is not being able to see this movie. Now, there could very possibly be streams of sadness flowing from my eyes soon.

Sarah tried calling some of the movie theaters nearby today, in search of one that might be showing the movie with Closed Captions, but to no avail. It seems that some cinemas have a Closed Captioned theater, but they play a different movie each week. Apparently, The Avengers is not the movie of the week. WHY?!?!??! Patience, Lord. Teach me patience. I want to say that I am okay with this. I want to say that it will be fine and that I will just see the film eventually, that there are worse things that could happen—but I can't. I'm angry and that's all there is to it. This disease has taken so much away from me. Why does it have to take away one of my passions as well? Dumb.

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